Before and After

These are two announcements that appeared in the Uinta County Herald in Evanston. The one on the left was from when we got engaged three months ago and the one on the right was from last week. I was pretty upset when I saw the most recent one. I mean black and white? Really?!?!

Craigslist Fun - mechanical mannerisms

Its been a while.  I ran across this today. It's nothing special, but I figured I would share.  The creative use of punctuation and grammar make it a little tough to read; however, I can honestly say that I would trust this guy to fix my car more than I would trust my local Chevy dealer who recently tried to charge me $1,600 for a repair that wasn't really necessary (I now hate repair shops almost as much as I hate realtors).

Before quoting the ad I have two quick questions: 1) does the 30 day guarantee only apply to leaking seals? and 2) how does one trade "mechanical knowledge" for "mannerisms?"  Anyway, here we go:

Automotive Repair - $1 (buffalo and surrounding areas)

---

Date: 2009-12-08, 7:00AM MST
Reply to: sale-f6dth-1500341686@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

---

Is your vehicle broke down ? Is a shop too costly ? Well look no further. I have been to trade school for auto as well as over 10 yrs personal experience , i can repair atv's-motorcycles/scooters-cars-trucks-lawn mowers-weed eaters-chain saws-boats and more ... I have references for my skill , and i back up my work . i give a 30 day labor guarantee , meaning if i replace a part that has a seal or something on it and it begins to leak i will replace it at my cost within the 30 days . Contact me with what you have and i will get back to you in a timely manner with a quote . Not all work has to be on a cash basis , willing to trade my mechanical knowledge for goods like cars,motorcycles,trucks,boats, services things of that mannerism. Thanks Robert odoyle533@hotmail.com Three Zero Seven-Two One Seven-Two Two Four Three text is the best way to get ahold of me

 

Drunk Baby

The other night a friend of ours watched our three boys.  He texted me these pictures today:   

Conner enjoying a beverage.

This is after enjoying the beverage.

Now I don't advocate the use of alcohol among babies (or even infants for that matter), but you have to admit Conner looks pretty happy in these pictures.  At least he's not an angry drunk.  

Plaid Tidings

We decided that we were going to write our own Christmas show for next year. It will include songs: Santa's Birthday, The Revenge of James, Perry Como's Wish List, and Dungas BeAro 1824, the Return of the Nervy-Turder!. We are planning on telling the story of the Devil of Christmas Past (James Mason naked with the exception of a single piece of mistletoe) and his ascent to earth. After arriving on earth with his trusty sidekick Jinx he begins to enslave Santa's elves in order to build the "Death Star". The only thing that can defeat the Death Star is tight 4 part harmony, lovingly provided by our "Lads in Plaid". At the end of act one, after the Devil of Christmas Pasts initial plans are foiled, and Hitler is sufficiently scolded for killing so many people, James falls from the rafters and swings throughout the Horse Barn Dinner Theatre while laughing and ensuring the audience that his plans have not failed, and that the celebration of Santa's birthday will yet be foiled! Act II includes a monologue by Sam (Frankie aka Dungus BeAro the Nervy-Turder). He tells of his abuses at the hand of Perry Como and his bird cage. The act ends with a fight to the death between a Naked and laughing James Mason and four part harmony. In the end James is sent screaming back into the nether regions through an exploding Christmas tree. Santa's birthday is restored and all is well.

I unfortunately didn't get to watch the game. Although I believe this picture, sent by John, describes how it ended.

What!? And WHAT?!! Britain Style

I kind of stole this picture from an email Kevin sent to Joseph.  Thanks guys.

First of all, I'm not sure I would eat anything made by Mr. Brains.  Second of all, I'm sure I wouldn't eat anything called faggots.  Third of all, I only see two pork faggots in that picture.  Fourth of all.. really.... who do you supposed "asked for it?"

There is just no reason for it.

We were at our doctor's office the other day and this sign was on the door of the room where we were waiting for the doctor:



A couple comments/questions to the authors of the sign:

1.  Thank you for specifying "child/children."  If you had said only child, and I had two children, I would have assumed that I could have allowed one child to put stickers on things, but not the other.  Also, if you had just said children I would have been confused if I only had one child.
2. You are very specific about where I cannot allow my child/children to place stickers.  I assume that your specificity combined with a lack of an "etc." means that I can allow my child/children to put stickers on non-listed items, such as the sink, bed, magazines, etc.?
3. How many "sticker incidents" had to have happened before you decided that this sign was necessary?
4. Finally, before you put up a weird sign telling parents what they should probably already know, you might consider either not giving out stickers, or handing them to the child/children as they are walking out the door.

AssparaGAS

On Valentines Day 2008 Lauren and I had a VERY romantic dinner which included delicious salmon, yummy baked potatoes, cheesecake, chocolate covered strawberries and pretzels, sparkling grape juice... and perfectly steamed asparagus.

There is a precious post on Lauren's blog about it. If you want to read it, click here.

I had been going in to the office early a couple days a week to exercise before work because I was feeling and looking kind of chubby. (I was... check out Lauren's blog)

As soon as I sat down at my desk after my workout that day, I composed the following e-mail:

Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2008 09:23:49
From: Joseph.Shumway@efirstbank.com
To: laurenshum@hotmail.com
Subject: my "stinky" morning

Hi My Love,

Remember how I asked if asparagus gives you gas?? It does! This morning as I was working out, I felt a faint urge and decided to hold it because there were 2 other people in the small workout room and its just not right to do that to strangers. As time went on and I was exerting myself more and more, I failed to give proper attention to my back end and accidentally let one slip out... silently. "What a relief, at least I didn't let it crack out loud in an embarrassing way!" I was thinking... until a moment later when I was hit square in the face with my tang. Not only does asparagus give you gas, but it's a gas that smells like a mixture of rotting death and sugar beet factory pollution. My next thoughts were "Please just stay in this area, don't spread around the room! These people didn't do anything to you... PLEASE.... PLEASE!" But there was no stopping it, I could feel it swell, a chemical reaction with the oxygen in the air must have occurred causing the vapor to expand and intensify. Do you remember the Southwest Airlines commercials? "Wanna get away?" That has never been so real for me in my entire life! It was not long before it became evident that my workout companions were being nasally assaulted. Neither one said anything, but the girl doing sit-ups on the exorcize ball quietly stood up, wiped her face, looked at the guy on the treadmill as if to ask "are you staying?" and quickly walked out of the room to the safety of the "breathable" hallway air. She will likely look back on this morning as one of her top 5 traumatic experiences while working out. I don't know if I can ever use that facility again. And if I do, I wonder if my mark will remain seared into the equipment, carpet and walls of the room.

My other "stinky" experience is that I forgot to pack clean garments in my bag last night so I had to put on my slightly sweaty, stank bottom stained garments and will probably have kind of a funky smell all day long. Can this day just be over?

I love you!

Joseph

We will never eat asparagus again without remembering the day after Valentines Day 2008.

Can I copy your homework?

Joseph and I still have our Colorado cell phone numbers. We occasionally will receive strange text messages or random phone calls from people who get the numbers mixed up. This morning about 7:30, I received this text message:


**Can I copy your homework again please this is josh cruz.


I came downstairs and showed Joseph the funny random text that I had received. I then got the bright idea to use it here, on ShumFunny.

Joseph sent out to you guys: Lauren forwarded me this text that she randomly got this morning. How should she she reply?

Your responses:
Nathan said: Yeah but we'll have to meet somewhere else.

Christin said: Who is Josh Cruz?

PJ said: Well if she let him copy the first time she kind of set a bad precident.

Sam said: Yes, but only if you agree to make out with me.

I took Sam's idea and with Sam's help via Google chat, I had the following text "conversation" with Mr. Cruz. (FYI: Lauren Shumway=LS, JC= Josh Cruz)

LS: Only if you'll make out with me

JC: haha what

LS: ha ha. yep. i know its weird but i really just want to make out with you

JC: haha okay works for me

LS: so do you expect anything special? lol

JC: thats up to you

LS: well what do you want?

JC: haha idk

LS: well idk either. you seem more experienced.

JC: your stupid

LS: I'm stupid? and you want to copy MY homework?

JC: f*** you

LS: sorry to disappoint you but i will not be making out with you or letting you copy my homework

JC: its okay cuz Kristen is in my class you dumb a**

LS: (Sam told me to write this) Who's the dumb a**? you sent a text to the wrong person...by the way, do you still want to make out?

JC: ever heard of maturity you piece of s***

LS: i understand that you are upset that the whole homework making out thing is not going to happen but no need to use potty words. although you do seem very mature when you use big boy words like that.

That is the last today that I've heard from Josh. I toyed with the idea of being a really mean person and calling the Greeley school district and reporting that Mr. Cruz was cheating on his homework, but decided not to. It was pretty funny though!

Flash Cartoons

(Insert John's Flash Cartoons Here)

"Perfect" xbox refrigerator combo - $100 or OBO

iam saleing an xbox 360,comes with 20g harddrive if needed,now the xbox 360 has a miner graphics problem but works perfect....now on that xbox...u will get an e74 error which means red ring of death but its not,it only has one ring which means graphic error.....i will sale the harddrive if u do not want the xbox,$50 for hardrive......$100 dollars for xbox with or with out hardrive or obo................now i also got a mini refrigerator that i have only had for 5 months that i dont dont use anymore......$50 dollars firm........now when i mean works perfect i mean it will work for about 5 days perfect before the graphics start messing up....i have been overheating it to restart the console......if interested...text or call me at 307-696-1263

Location: gillette

http://wyoming.craigslist.org/for/1422215790.html

From Sam

date Thu, Oct 15, 2009 at 9:10 AM

subject perfect xbox refrigerator combo.

.....now when I say it works perfect, I mean it dont work at all.......I mean it works perfect but has miner graphic problems, red ring of death, and you have to reheat it to get it to turn off, etc.........now on to that refrigerator.

From PJ:

I think this guy forgot to take out his meth pipe from the fridge, you can see it in the bottom left hand corner. How, you ask, do I know what a meth pipe looks like? … I have started a small pipe business, I have many to sell from $10-$50 or obo. What’s that you say? … Obo already has “or” in it, well then … for you my pipes are $50 “firm”, whatever that means. Now I also got a mini frigerator monster truck combo, the monster truck works perfect except that it don’t run sometimes … by perfect I mean it ain’t got no engine … but if it did it would work perfect. $50 firm or obo.
I guess Gillette, meth addicted, coal miners will say anything to sell the broken xbox’s they found rummaging through the dump for mini frigerators.

From Christin:

That is seriously HILARIOUS. I guess he's just trying to be honest

From Kim:

is this for real?

From Sam:

They are all for real. Do you think I could make stuff like this up?

From Nate:

Enter Devon Spencer

From Joseph:

If anyone would like access to the world of devon spencer, the password is: d3vonaw3some

From Nate:

miner graphics problems

http://www.merrimysteries.com/tmm/images/kitpics/miner.gif

From Sam:

That is the graphic that keeps showing up whenever he turns on the Xbox.

From Nate:

Oh and PJ I accept your $50 engineless monster truck/mini fridge deal. I would like to make an obo though. My obo is I'll take you and Stephanie out to Wendy's this weekend and you can each get a Biggie Sized combo. On top of that I'll obo you one further and financially back your meth pipe business. Obo me a marketing plan and a cash budget and I'll obo you my offer.

From Sam:

I'm confused. Does OBO stand for "or best offer" or something else? Because Nate is using it as if it could have any one of literally hundreds of meanings.

From Nate:

Wait it only has one meaning? i thought it was just a one of those catchy phrases like lol or jk where no one knows the true meaning but people just add it to their messages for color. Geez my message probably didn't even make any sense. Obo jk!

Clark or Jason?

I don't know who either of these guys are but I've narrowed down the guy on the right to either uncle clark or uncle jason

Antique Show Society

This conversation stemmed from another wonderful post on Craig’s List. The post is gone, but paraphrasing it read something like this.

"I am getting kicked out of my mobile home because I have 3 horses, 4 dogs, 8 gerbils, 10 rabbits, a couple of pigs, a duck, 500 porcelain clowns (mint condition), and 30 … oh wait Lucky Miller just had another litter … 34 cats. I have been ordered by law to get rid of some of my animals, so I am posting on here for Lucky Miller, my most favorite cat. If you are interested please bring 2 forms of ID, proof of residence, medical history, social security number and bank account numbers (PIN numbers must be included), proof that children do not live in the home nor will they ever be permitted to enter the home, 10 year employment history with 3 current pay stubs, $300 cash, and you must be willing to submit to a background check. I’m also selling this thing $35 or obo."

“This thing” appeared to be some sort of grill. Because of my extensive skills in North American antique identification I recognized it right away as a register cover, and the following conversation ensued …

On Sun, Jul 12, 2009 at 9:03 PM, Sam Shumway samshumway@gmail.com> wrote:
You guys remember the days when to get rid of kittens you would put them in a box with a sign reading "Free, take one"

On Sun, Jul 12, 2009 at 10:22 PM, Joseph Shumway shumway79@gmail.com> wrote:
I would not recommend trying to negotiate any of the terms on this deal. They have spelled out their requirements very clearly and with a serious seller like this, there are bound to be several other people interested in Lucky MILLER! Unless you are prepared to get into a bidding war and probably end up dropping around $55-$60 you had better just get your deed and ID's scanned, plan a semiannual trip to Casper and call as soon as possible.

From: John Shumway http://wyoming.craigslist.org/for/1301014582.html
I will pay $5 towards purchasing this item if anyone can tell me what it is
On Tue, Aug 4, 2009 at 3:51 PM, PJ Shumway pshumway1312@hotmail.com> wrote:
It’s obviously an old heater vent cover. I think $35 is quite reasonable. I would pay $80 if it didn’t have to be refinished.

On Aug 4, 2009 2:56pm, John Shumway shumway76@gmail.com> wrote:
Register = old heater vent cover? I don't think so. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

On Tue, Aug 4, 2009 at 5:27 PM, shumway79@gmail.com> wrote:
The photo is obviously an early 1970's (my guess would be '73) vent register? I'm pretty surprised you don't recognize it. There were a bunch of these old registers upstairs in the elks lodge. PJ and I would scrape the paint off and eat it. I know that these are very hard to come by any more so $35 is kind of a steal.

On Aug 5, 2009 5:44am, John Shumway shumway76@gmail.com> wrote:
Sounds pretty believable. But if I give you credit for your answer I will have to give PJ credit as well. And that's just not going to happen. I award you no points and you are hereby disqualified.

On Aug 5, 2009 9:09am, shumway79@gmail.com wrote:
John, would you run by and pick up that register for us? PJ and I went in on it together. He mailed the cash yesterday so the seller should have it by now. He's going refinish it so I can bring it back to Arizona with me when I come in September. I have a buyer here in Phoenix who is going to pay me $85 for it when I get back! The address is: 751 Cypress Ln. THANKS!!
From: Joseph Shumway shumway79@gmail.com [mailto:shumway79@gmail.com] so I just googled "register noun" and found this definition on merriam-webster.com "5 : a grille often with shutters for admitting heated air or for ventilation." This whole time I have been playing along as if PJ had just pulled his answer out of the air. PJ should be on the antique road show! I wonder if it really would be worth $80...

From: "PJ Shumway"
Joseph, I have been invited on numerous occasions to be on the Antique Road Show and I continue with my stance that until the US-ASS (United States Antique Show Society) accepts vintage nude Barbie Dolls as an American Standard I will not be associated with their organization. I started a group on Facebook as a way to compete with US-ASS its called My-ASS. I figure if I turn up the heat through My-ASS their ASS will really start to clinch up and accept barbies into all ASS’s.

From: samshumway@gmail.com
Wow. That was sooo wrong...beautifully, brilliantly, wrong.

From: shumway79@gmail.comDate: Wed, 5 Aug 2009 19:47:59
I'm sitting here in the break room at work giggling like a girl.

From: nate shumway [mailto:nate1312@hotmail.com]
I laughed so hard reading that I blew a little bit of snot out of my nose.

Land of the Living Dead

We had some fun at Grandma and Grandpa's house.
A little too much fun, some of us ended up dying.

My New Profile picture

K so I know I am late on getting these but how perfect is this yearbook picture?

Raked over the coals.......

So I guess I'd better blog something or Joseph will have me for lunch. We made it into Laramie FINALLY after a long 12 hr trip (we made a few stops). 3:00a.m. is early no matter where you are. It's good to be here.

Funny things the kids have said lately...

Natalie: Mom, will you teach me that song you are singing so I can sing it when dad dies.

Jocelyn: "I LOVE rice christmas treats"

Luke: "Mom, Dustin showed me the swear finger"

stay tuned for pictures of the Laramie trip............

Employment Opportunity...

I got this e-mail from Lauren while I was at work on September 2, 2009

From Lauren:
Subject: AD on CL

HAve a look at this...should i respond?

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/tlg/1352686070.html

The posting has been removed but it was under this heading:

phoenix craigslist > _(east valley) > gigs > talent gigs

The request said something like:

Wanted, young attractive well endowed female to teach beginning piano lessons... must be willing to teach topless. $25.00 an hour.

From Joseph:

It didn't mention anything about pregnant topless teachers. That might add to the thrill though. SICKO!!!!!

From Lauren:

that is GROSS. holy cow. thought that would be something to laugh about. :)

Lauren responded to this and made it through the first 2 rounds of auditions but was cut in round 3.

We continue to look for side jobs for her on craigslist.

Where is everyone?

When I set up this blog, I hoped that my family would get excited about it. Apparently NOT. So far, there have been 12 posts… six by me and six by Sam. My posts are hilarious and I’m planning some major revising to Sam’s to try to make them seem a little bit funny. I invited everyone in the family (whose e-mail address I have) to be authors on the blog. After no one seemed to be responding, I took the liberty of calling everyone and below are their responses/excuses:

Dad - "No thanks. Bloggering was how my last computer got all gummed up. I'm not going to pay another $200 to James Mason to have him defrag my hard drive and install free antivirus software."
Mom - "You know Joseph, if you lived closer you wouldn't need a blog to stay in touch."
Codee - “Dad locked the office door ‘cause of Webkins.”
Kevin - “Joseph? Is this really Joseph? How did you get this number? Why are you trying to speak with an English accent?”
Nathan - “Until the blog is monetized with a link to my PayPal account, I’m not wasting my time.”
Cassidee - “People sometimes laugh at the things that I e-mail or say to them saying that I’m ‘SO SARCASTIC’ but, seriously, you are all idiots!”
PJ - “I think it’s stupid and I hate you Joseph.” Then he started pounding me on my back. Trying to avoid further punches, I laid down on the couch and started kicking. He managed to grab one of my legs and pulled me to the ground. We both kicked at each other until PJ landed a perfectly placed kick right between my legs. He also said that he would post something soon.
John - "I tried to call him on Skype like 8 times but it kept saying that he was logged out right after it started to ring.
Sam, “What’s my excuse for not contributing? Take another look at the blog and then call me back and apologize...seriously I want an apology.”
Christin, “Hi Joseph, I will… LUKE WHERE DID YOU GET THAT CAT? WAS ITS FUR SHAVED WHEN YOU FOUND IT? Hey I gotta go…”

If I am going to do something SPECIAL for this FAMILY then I expect some PARTICIPATION!

Boy Scouts of Hitlerjugend

I was registering on the BSA website so I could walk along with Daniel at his day camp. At the end of the registration it asked me to enter randomly generated words/letters to complete the registration. These were the "random" words:

I've always had misgiving about boy scouts, but at this point I'm pretty confident that Pres. Obama has converted the BSA into a government agency and he is subtly using it to push his socialist agenda. I refuse to be any part of that (plus, now I don't have to worry about the anticipated guilt I will feel when Daniel graduates from high school as a tenderfoot).

U-Haul Fail

I took this picture outside one of our local dollar stores. This is one of those situations where no matter how hard I try, I cannot come up with a reasonable explanation for what is going on...any ideas? I had this wonderful thought that maybe these were some modern day Beverly Hillbillies moving out to a mansion in California where they would start a new life and hilarious antics would ensue. Then I noticed that the license plate is local...*

* Speaking of the license plate, the fact that it is attached tells me that this arrangement is at least somewhat permanent. Crazy.

Classy Wyoming Fan

Sam took this picture of a Wyoming Cowboys fan at a basketball game on March 6, 2009.  I added a little black box over the final two letters...

Date: Fri, 6 Mar 2009

From Sam:

People don't understand why I have a hard time being a Wyoming fan. Do you think he explained to his five-year-old kid what everything on the back of his shirt means? Pathetic.

From Joseph:

What a cute family!

"get in the F***'n car so we can get to the F***'n game on time. Billy what the F*** are you doing? Grab your F***'n glasses! I'm losin' my F***'n mind tonight you little F***ers. Grab my F***'n cowboys shirt Wanda! GO POKES!!! F*** YEAH!!"

I think I went to high school with that guy. His kids are adorable!

From Sam:

Did you really go to high school with that guy?

From Joseph:

That guy is a lot of the guys that I went to high school with.

Late Night Chat With Sam

9:15 PM Sam: I'm in the canyon
me: again?
Sam: yes
Just kidding
9:16 PM I just went grocery shopping and took the baby so I am out of the canyon
me: nice work
were you really in the canyon for ditching all day?
Sam: not really - after all I was taking HER sister to the airport
9:17 PM me: that's true
you are a wonderful brother-in-law!
no pun intended
9:18 PM Sam: where would the pun be?
For a second I thought this was lauren
or is this lauren?
me: it's Joseph
9:19 PM Sam: so back to the pun then?
me: you are my brother and you are a lawyer
Sam: Ahhh, got it, nice
me: and you are also Emily's brother-in-law
dual meaning
Sam: yes - I am slow
my bad
me: that's a pun right?
9:20 PM Sam: si senior
me: did pj head home?
Sam: PJ might be moving to Cheyenne
yeah
me: that would be cool
to work for American National?
Sam: he may get a job on the air force base as a civilian finance person
9:21 PM me: would he get all of the government benefits?
Sam: si senior
me: would he get to fly jets?
Sam: proly
and kill people
me: do they have any more openings?
where you wouldn't have to kill people>
9:22 PM Sam: he said he would start at like 70k
but that includes killing people
me: I would take 60 G's without the killing caveat
Sam: would that be enough to get you here?
9:23 PM me: what's the job?
Sam: Not sure
me: military finance...
Sam: not sure if PJ knows
me: sounds pretty sketchy
9:24 PM Sam: Brent told him about it
me: the gov't just prints all the money they need
I think that job would be EASY!!
Sam: I think he might actually be printing money
with like an inkjet printer and scanner
9:25 PM me: I've been printing some extra 20's to help us get a little ahead
actually just so we can go out for dinner every Friday
Sam: lol
Red lobster hasn't caught on yet?
9:26 PM me: not when I give the watiress two of the hot bills every time
we have a special table in the back
Sam: with all the other members of the Phoenix mafia
9:27 PM you sit around and eat processed meats and talking about whacking people
me: ...no comment
there was a lady that they say got thrown out of a car onto the highway this last week and got hit by 3 cars and killed
9:28 PM possibly mafia related
Sam: for reals?
me: yes
she was crawling in the HOV lane
Sam: mafia related?
me: oh that
I don't know
gangs maybe they said
9:29 PM Sam: and you say that becuase you are mafia?
me: ...no comment
Sam: lol ... but that is horrible
was she older?
me: 30
Sam: wow
that makes me sick
me: I know
can you imagine driving along and then seeing a person crawling on the highway
9:30 PM people wrecked swerving to miss her
Sam: stop it
seriously
me: yes
Sam: lets talk about something less grim
like your Ipod nano
did you say nano or shuffle?
me: shuffle
like Michael Scott
9:31 PM it's "average"
Sam: no new episodes for like 3 weeks, right?
me: I know
we got the DVR specifically for that show
Sam: I am preparign a strongly worded email to NBC
me: and it's pissing me off really bad
Sam: are you crying right now?
9:32 PM me: there are tears welling in my eyes
but I'm blinking them back
Sam: I got bashed in the fact today playing b-bal
might have boken my nose - again
me: where's the fact?
Sam: its like the front of your back
me: chest?
9:33 PM did the ball hit you
or a fist?
Sam: shoulder
in teh face
where my nose is
me: ouch
Sam: bleeding out of both nostrils
gushing
face numb
me: did you swallow a bunch of blood and then vomit?
Sam: seeing stars
me: you always do that
Sam: no, but I have been peeing blood all day
9:34 PM me: that's because of your ED
but way to try to make it sound like a b-ball injury
Sam: did Kim tell your about my ed?
she tells everyone
me: mom has been telling everyone
9:35 PM Sam: lol
that would totally be mom if it were true
me: but she said that even with ed you still have a really big member
biggest of the boys in fact
Sam: I am getting grossed out
me: I'm just saying what mom said
she always trys to stick up for you
9:37 PM she didn't really say that
are you crying now?
9:40 PM Sam: sorry my computer has been freezing up lateley and it just did
what did I miss?
9:41 PM me: I don't know how far to go back
do you remember about the lady on the highway?
Sam: yea
me: me printing 20's
Red Lobster?
Sam: we were talking about a comparison to set the record straight
me: ED?
9:42 PM so like a photo thing with a ruler next to it?
or live?
Sam: live
all in a row
me: who will judge?
Sam: vera
me: in that case just ask her
she's done physicals for us all
and I'm sure she'll remember
especially mine
9:43 PM Sam: well, its been a while and I think I may have made some "progress"
me: have you been popping extenze?
Sam: among other things
me: using an aparatus?
Sam: lol
9:44 PM me: I just inject HGH every other day
Sam: seriousyl I am laughing my head off right now
it is hurting my broken nose
do you think HGH would actually work>?
9:45 PM me: my testicles are a LOT smaller but so far I haven't seen any difference up above
I think it's supposed to just make a comparative difference
Sam: are you sure its not just a relative thing
me: exactly
9:46 PM Sam: so shrink the beans to make the pork look bigger>
me: the before and after photos are astounding
Sam: I am going to give that a shot
any way you could shoot me over some before and after shots?
9:47 PM me: it looks like my legs have bulked up too but I think that's just relative too
they're on Lauren's blog
just go check them out
Sam: alright will do
9:48 PM well, I am going to save this conversation for posteratiy
or maybe post it to our blog
I gotta get some crap done
I am getting released from Ward mission leader tomorrow and being made YM president
9:49 PM me: wow
next stop... bishop
Sam: probably area authority, but I can live with bishop
me: I'll help you campaign if you need
I know some powerful people in the Phx area
9:50 PM just let me know
Sam: I'll think about it
me: I'll let you get going
goodnight
Sam: night - thanks for the laughs
me: you too!

For posterity...

"The Racquetballer" on Vimeo.

52" Widescreen TV

This craigslist fun was taken to the next level as Joseph actually created a Yahoo profile to mess with the seller.

Date: Tuesday Sept. 22 at 8:25 PM
Subject: craigslist fun

From Sam:

I think we should all email this guy and ask if he will ship the TV to different countries. I call Nigeria.


http://wyoming.craigslist.org/ele/1387748146.html

52" Widescreen Hitachi TV on Base with Wheels (NEW) NO CHECKS/NO SHIP - $695 (Cheyenne, WY {Laramie Co.})

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-09-22, 6:54PM MDT
Reply to: sale-swkeq-1387748146@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


***FYI:
#1)-Please do not send me emails soliciting other items, or requesting to send me checks in the mail from out of State/out of country, to have this item shipped. This is a listing that REQUIRES a person to person sale in Cheyenne with CASH or PAYPAL payment ONLY!! I will not ship this item for you, and you cannot make arrangements for a freight company to get it. THIS IS A FACE TO FACE sale ONLY....so please do NOT waste my time with numerous bogus emails. NO EXCEPTIONS!!

#2)- If this ad is listed as ACTIVE, then that means it is still for sale. You do not need to email me first, to ask me if it is available. If it was SOLD...it would be removed immediately from here.

#3)- I appologize to legitimate Craigs List Buyers for being so BLUNT in this ad. I receive NUMEROUS BOGUS offers and messages from people, and it gets very frustating when "phoney buyers" try to get you to "sell" your items and ship them out of the country. They dont read the ads, and they dont listen when you tell them to READ THE AD first, before sending messages.!! It is very frustrating!

***SO...with that said, FOR REAL CRAIGS LIST BUYERS....here is the ad for my item that is FOR SALE, and conditions of the sale. Thank you for your time.

=================================================================================================================================
THIS LISTING IS FOR ONE (1) 52" HITACHI WIDE SCREEN PROJECTION TV (ON IT'S OWN BASE WITH WHEELS- 1 PIECE). IT WAS PURCHASED LAST YEAR FOR $1099.00 + tax. The TV HAS HARDLY BEEN USED IN THAT TIME AT ALL. * IT IS LIKE BRAND NEW...and has a BEAUTIFUL PICTURE.

WE BOUGHT THIS TV FOR OUR LIVING ROOM WHEN WE WERE LOOKING FOR A NEW HOUSE, BUT IT DID NOT FIT INTO THE LIVING ROOM OF THE HOUSE THAT WE FINALLY CHOSE...SO, IT WAS PLACED DOWNSTAIRS IN OUR FAMILY ROOM, AND IT HARDLY EVER GETS USED THERE. THAT IS WHY WE ARE SELLING IT. Originally paid $1099.00 plus tax.....* WE ORIGINALLY LISTED IT FOR $795.00 ....BUT JUST DROPPED IT DOWN again, now it's only $695.00.

1- CASH ~OR~ PAYPAL PAYMENTS (for credit card purchase)....credit cards are processed through www.paypal.com and if you do not have a paypal account, it's quick and easy to sign up for a FREE one. *** SORRY....ABSOLUTELY NO CHECKS of ANY KIND...and ABSOLUTELY NO SHIPPING/FREIGHT of this item. This transaction MUST be done in person. No out of State/out of country buyers....(unless you live in our neighboring States of Colorado or Nebraska, and can travel to Cheyenne to complete the sale in person). NO EXCEPTIONS...so please do not waste your time and mine by emailing me to ask. If you pay through PAYPAL the money must CLEAR our paypal account/bank before the item will be released to you. This takes 3-4 business days usually. *Your item will NOT be released to you UNTIL the funds clear our account.

2- PAY BY CASH AND GET A DISCOUNT OFF OF THE LISTED PRICE. *(If you can save us the credit card processing fee through paypal, then I can pass that savings on to you glady!)...CASH BUYERS PAY ONLY $660.00!!

3- If you live within the CHEYENNE AREA...we will even deliver this TV to your house FREE of charge! *Christmas is coming!!...This is a great present for someone!

*SERIOUS BUYERS CAN Contact 307-634-7225 between 9am-8pm daily. Leave a message with your phone number if no answer. We will call you back ASAP.

*This photo was taken on 9/22/09. It shows the full view of the TV. It has GREAT SOUND, GREAT PICTURE...it's a GREAT TV at a HUGE discounted price!

=================================================================================================================================

***AGAIN, I WILL REPEAT THIS TO BOGUS BUYERS & SOLICITORS: Do not bother to email me if you cannot complete the sale in PERSON. *NO CHECKS, NO SHIPPING, NO FRIEGHT COMPANIES...NO OUT OF COUNTRY TRANSACTIONS...NO EXCEPTIONS.....PERIOD! PLease DO NOT waste my time with all these emails!


Location: Cheyenne, WY {Laramie Co.}

From Joseph:

Are you serious because I'm going to send an email right now asking him to ship to Peru.


From Sam:

Are the email address anonymousness in Craigslist? I would hate this guy to track me down. Given the nature of his listing, he sounds like he has a few screws loose.

From Joseph:

I was planning to set up a new email thru yahoo

From John:

I'm in. Sam you remember how much I loved prank calling...this is just prank calling 2009!!!!!

From Sam:

I love that Joseph is always willing to play along in my games. OK Joseph, create a new account and ask 1) if the TV is still available "If this ad is listed as ACTIVE, then that means it is still for sale. You do not need to email me first, to ask me if it is available. If it was SOLD...it would be removed immediately from here." 2) If he will ship to Arizona, 3) if he will accept a money order, and 4) if he will take $250 for the TV.

If he doesn't respond I will send one too. If he responds you have to share. And depending on his response, I will send one too.

From Sam:

I almost said the same thing to Joseph at the end of my last email. I think we should see if Joseph gets a response and then go from there.

From Joseph:

I just sent this...

Hi. I am quite interested in your Widescreen Hitachi TV! Is it still available? Will you ship the TV to Arizona? I offer $250 if you don't have any higher offers. I can send a Money Order if that works for you. Please.

The e-mail address that Joseph set up was in the name Devon Spencer. 

This is the response that was received from the seller:

As per the ad...NO SHIPPING...this item must be picked up.

From Sam:

Hilarious!!! I loved the "Please" at the end...brilliant.

Seriously, we will probably to to hell for messing with this guy, but frankly, if I ever get this neurotic, I hope someone will mess with me. Please share any response you get. If you have not heard back by noon tomorrow, I will shoot part two.

From PJ:

You realize this guy is mentally unstable right. This means that he will probably go to any length to find out who sent that email, including hacking into the yahoo system. He’s probably reading what I’m writing right now. Mr. I’m sorry, this wasn’t my idea. I don’t think it’s funny at all either. Estoy mentiendo, pense que fue algo tan chistoso que rei hasta que me cage. (I don’t think he can read Spanish, or anything in parenthesis!)

From Joseph:

I just sent a follow up email asking if it was still available. I'm going to ask if I could have a freight company come and pick it up for me.

From Nathan:

any response after the second email?

From Joseph:

Nothing yet

Joseph did a little extra research to find out just who we were dealing with and found that the seller, Jeanine Still Norton (female), has a facebook and a myspace. 

Devon Spencer to Sam:

Uh Hi,

I really want to buy a TV up there in Cheyenne. Will you go pick it up for me?

Devon

From Sam:

yeah, just let me know where you need me to go.

From Devon:

I think that this lady has it. http://www..facebook.com/jeanine.norton?_fb_noscript=1 I've tried to add her as a friend on facebook but I'm not sure if she'll accept my friendship request

Here's another profile that I found of her on MySpace. I find the "JEANINE's Interests" section informational... cuckoo!!

This is honestly the profile photo of the seller of this TV.  This is an excerpt from her interests directly from her MySpace profile... seriously.

http://www.myspace.com/jeanine68

JEANINE's Interests

General Anything to do with firearms, target practice, trap shooting...etc... My dad raised me to be a tom boy, and showed me how to safely use a gun pretty much since I could walk...but I always did so with lipstick and nail-polish on too! LOL.

The Fray, lawsuits, and prostitution...two tickets please.

In this exchange Nate offers to acquire concert tickets for anyone interested. As always seems to happen, the conversation quickly turns to lawsuits and prostitution.

From Nate:
date Fri, Oct 9, 2009 at 12:43 AM
subject The FRAY

Hey guys. The fray is playing in Laramie on NOV 21st. Tickets are $25. If you want one lemme know. I can get two with my ID and I'll track down someone else to get me more if needed.

From Sam:

Count me in. Any way you could get a ticket for Kim too?

From PJ:

Steph and I are in if you can get us both tickets. If you have a choice for us try and get tickets further back, not because of the loudness per say, more the fact that we don’t want to sit with anyone else per say. (and I wikipedia’d per say and I used it correctly in both cases!!!)

From John:

Marcella and I are in. How many tickets can you get?

From Nate:

I'll try to get tickets for everyone. It might take some doing but we'll see. I don't know if I can go, I am paying off a ring right now and I don't really have a lot of extra money (and this isn't a roundabout way of asking one of you to pay for me)

From PJ:

I’ll donate $10 as a broker fee for Nathan to go see the Fray. I’ve set up a small not for profit www.feedthechildren/nathantothefray.com if anyone wants to donate. $.01 of every dollar will go to helping a little boy in need of The Fray tickets. As a gift you will receive personalized letters from the little boy of your choice showing the change in his life.

From Dad:

I want $100 as an executive commission for the use of my office and computer. I really don't want to take this to small claims.

From Sam:

Threat of litigation...beautiful. Nate, as an attorney I would just advise you to pay the commission. Not necessarily because owe it, but is $100 really worth the hassle of being served a complaint, preparing an answer and possible counter-claims, taking depositions and being deposed, producing all of your financial records for the last 5 years, dealing with summary judgment motions, and ultimately going to trial where who know what the jury will do (yes, you can have a jury in small claims court)? Think about it. I know money is tight right now, but you might offer $75 and see where Dad comes back.

From PJ:

Sam,

If I know Nathan, and I think I do pretty well, he will stand on his principles in this case. It really isn’t about money it’s about justice. Nathan, I started a little not-for-profit, we handle community organizing, entrepreneurial prostitution, tax evasion advising, and counter litigation for low income minorities. Just go to our website and tell them you are being sued for trying to start a small ticket scalping and drug cartel business and our advisors will assist you in taking not only Dad for all he’s worth, but also applying for some small business grants from the government. We get millions upon millions for stuff like this. Our website is www.acorn/momoneyfornothin.com.
PJ

From Sam:

Another classic from PJ. Entrepreneurial prostitution? As opposed to not-for-profit prostitution? I think I am going to start a no-pay prostitution ring. I'm sure there are a lot of folks out there that would like the services of a prostitute, but simply can't afford it. Who is looking out for these people? I see this as something I can do to give back to a community that has given me so much. I bet I could get a seed money grant from ACORN.

From Nate:

Well I clicked on both links PJ posted and came to little more than expected disappointment. Ok well the round about way of asking didn't work so here goes, will someone please buy my ticket to the fray? I can't pay you back and won't when I can but you will feel good knowing that in some way you helped make a small boy's dream come true.

From Sam:

Dad if you want me to represent you in that suit against Nate I will work pro bono. Let me know.

SEVEN POCKETS!!!

This was not one of my better "Craigslist Classics" finds, but Joseph's response was great!

From Sam:
date Tue, Oct 6, 2009 at 9:07 AM
subject SEVEN POCKETS!!!

1977 Tour Led Zeppelin Leather Jacket XL - $90 (Cheyenne, Wy.)
Date: 2009-10-06, 8:07AM MDT
Reply to: sale-tnmgs-1408721544@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

originally $149.99!!! like new, worn twice...has 7 pockets..email me

Location: Cheyenne, Wy.

I know that the number of pockets is pretty much my main criteria when buying band memorabilia jackets. Also, will someone please explain to me how this thing is standing up on its own. I have convinced myself that there is a ghost in these pictures.

http://wyoming.craigslist.org/for/1408721544.html

From Joseph:

The jacket is not real! It's a computer generated image. I know this for 3 reasons:

1. In the 1977 Led Zeppelin tour, the only jackets that were made were made of hemp
2. It is posted on craigslist and people who post stuff on craigslist are liars
3. I e-mailed as Devon Spencer and the seller told me that they made it on their computer.

Plus, when a ghost wears a jacket, it's impossible to take a picture because you are shaking so much.

From Sam:

Thanks for the freaking hilarious response. Weird, but I laughed out loud like three times at this line: "people who post stuff on craigslist are liars" I laughed again as I was typing it. You are getting funnier as you get older.

Anybody like clowns? plz.

This was one my first Craigslist Classics emails. Unfortunately, the Craigslist ad is gone, but I think I captured the essence of it in my questions.

From Sam:

date Sun, Jul 12, 2009 at 9:47 PM
subject Anybody like clowns? plz.

What is weirder? 1) The fact that a person is trying to hard sell a box of porcelain clowns, 2) that they spent hundreds of dollars on porcelain clowns, 3) that they don't realize that most people are afraid of clowns, or 4) that the person selling porcelain clowns (who I imagine to be an older heavy-set lady who drinks tons of coffee) is using hip teen text slang (plz shoot me an email).
Since Beverly lives in Cheyenne, I can pick up one of these clowns for anyone interested. Let me know your top price, because it sounds like there will be some haggling involved.

http://wyoming.craigslist.org/for/1266136506.html

From PJ:

The clowns are in “mint” condition, but are they naked, or at least have similarities to “It”?

From Sam:

I forwarded your email to Bev. I'll let you know what she says.

We're de-balling some bulls

Sam found another gem on Craigslist and sent it on to the family:

date Wed, Oct 7, 2009 at 8:49 AM
subject more craigslist fun

We're de-balling some bulls - $1 (Wyoming)
Date: 2009-10-06, 8:26PM MDT
Reply to: sale-2wtw8-1409951195@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

and if anyone wants the leftovers we'll bag them up - free, you pick up, approximately 40 sets, no stem cell need apply

Could someone with some ranching experience (or otherwise) please explain this to me. What could possibly be the "leftovers?"

http://wyoming.craigslist.org/for/1409951195.html

From Christin:

Are they serious? Yeah, what are the leftovers?

From Nate:

Oh innocent Sam. The "leftovers' that this seller is referring to could only be the cattle that are ball-less now. I would say thats a pretty good deal, $1 for 40 head of cattle

From Joseph:

Nathan, the cattle? Ok first off, a castrated bull doesn't become female just 'cause he got his nuts cut off. Secondly, no one's going to sell a gomer bull for a dollar. And finally, the leftovers from a RM Oyster harvest refers to the empty sacks, typically sold for anywhere from 75 cents to a dollar. I think they're on the high end. I'd keep shopping around.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

From Sam:

Great! Somehow Susan (without an "h") Shumway got added to this string of messages. Can't wait to hear what she thinks about this little conversation. And Joseph, while I am afraid of what you answer is going to be, I'll ask anyway. What do you do with the sacks?

P.S. I'm kidding about Susan.

From Joseph:

The sacks can be used for pretty much any kind of leather project. The
most popular is to cut them into strips and sew them into a steering
wheel cover for your truck.

From PJ:

I actually asked Brent who has worked extensively with cattle and he told me
that you could do one of three things with the "leftovers":
1: Tenderize them and then dry them into a delicious, longer lasting, beef
jerky
2: They are commonly used for baseball covers
3: Sew a bunch together and string them between some trees and they make a
great trampoline.

What is this called?

I couldn't think of a good title for this blog. So, if anyone can think of a good one, please suggest it... or just change the title.

Thanks!

Here's the plan

I was thinking about some of the e-mails that I have received and have been a part of creating over the years as part of the Shumway family. I pulled up some old ones and was laughing out loud as I read the stuff that was written. So, I decided to make a blog that we can share. This will not be a public blog. I'll invite mom and dad and brothers and sisters and their spouses and kids to be able to view and post on the blog. It's purpose is to have a place to archive things that are written in e-mail, chats that are particularly funny or things that happen in every day life that make us laugh and that seem worthy to keep to read later. Eventually, we can print the blog as a book.