What!? And WHAT?!! Britain Style

I kind of stole this picture from an email Kevin sent to Joseph.  Thanks guys.

First of all, I'm not sure I would eat anything made by Mr. Brains.  Second of all, I'm sure I wouldn't eat anything called faggots.  Third of all, I only see two pork faggots in that picture.  Fourth of all.. really.... who do you supposed "asked for it?"

There is just no reason for it.

We were at our doctor's office the other day and this sign was on the door of the room where we were waiting for the doctor:



A couple comments/questions to the authors of the sign:

1.  Thank you for specifying "child/children."  If you had said only child, and I had two children, I would have assumed that I could have allowed one child to put stickers on things, but not the other.  Also, if you had just said children I would have been confused if I only had one child.
2. You are very specific about where I cannot allow my child/children to place stickers.  I assume that your specificity combined with a lack of an "etc." means that I can allow my child/children to put stickers on non-listed items, such as the sink, bed, magazines, etc.?
3. How many "sticker incidents" had to have happened before you decided that this sign was necessary?
4. Finally, before you put up a weird sign telling parents what they should probably already know, you might consider either not giving out stickers, or handing them to the child/children as they are walking out the door.

AssparaGAS

On Valentines Day 2008 Lauren and I had a VERY romantic dinner which included delicious salmon, yummy baked potatoes, cheesecake, chocolate covered strawberries and pretzels, sparkling grape juice... and perfectly steamed asparagus.

There is a precious post on Lauren's blog about it. If you want to read it, click here.

I had been going in to the office early a couple days a week to exercise before work because I was feeling and looking kind of chubby. (I was... check out Lauren's blog)

As soon as I sat down at my desk after my workout that day, I composed the following e-mail:

Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2008 09:23:49
From: Joseph.Shumway@efirstbank.com
To: laurenshum@hotmail.com
Subject: my "stinky" morning

Hi My Love,

Remember how I asked if asparagus gives you gas?? It does! This morning as I was working out, I felt a faint urge and decided to hold it because there were 2 other people in the small workout room and its just not right to do that to strangers. As time went on and I was exerting myself more and more, I failed to give proper attention to my back end and accidentally let one slip out... silently. "What a relief, at least I didn't let it crack out loud in an embarrassing way!" I was thinking... until a moment later when I was hit square in the face with my tang. Not only does asparagus give you gas, but it's a gas that smells like a mixture of rotting death and sugar beet factory pollution. My next thoughts were "Please just stay in this area, don't spread around the room! These people didn't do anything to you... PLEASE.... PLEASE!" But there was no stopping it, I could feel it swell, a chemical reaction with the oxygen in the air must have occurred causing the vapor to expand and intensify. Do you remember the Southwest Airlines commercials? "Wanna get away?" That has never been so real for me in my entire life! It was not long before it became evident that my workout companions were being nasally assaulted. Neither one said anything, but the girl doing sit-ups on the exorcize ball quietly stood up, wiped her face, looked at the guy on the treadmill as if to ask "are you staying?" and quickly walked out of the room to the safety of the "breathable" hallway air. She will likely look back on this morning as one of her top 5 traumatic experiences while working out. I don't know if I can ever use that facility again. And if I do, I wonder if my mark will remain seared into the equipment, carpet and walls of the room.

My other "stinky" experience is that I forgot to pack clean garments in my bag last night so I had to put on my slightly sweaty, stank bottom stained garments and will probably have kind of a funky smell all day long. Can this day just be over?

I love you!

Joseph

We will never eat asparagus again without remembering the day after Valentines Day 2008.

Can I copy your homework?

Joseph and I still have our Colorado cell phone numbers. We occasionally will receive strange text messages or random phone calls from people who get the numbers mixed up. This morning about 7:30, I received this text message:


**Can I copy your homework again please this is josh cruz.


I came downstairs and showed Joseph the funny random text that I had received. I then got the bright idea to use it here, on ShumFunny.

Joseph sent out to you guys: Lauren forwarded me this text that she randomly got this morning. How should she she reply?

Your responses:
Nathan said: Yeah but we'll have to meet somewhere else.

Christin said: Who is Josh Cruz?

PJ said: Well if she let him copy the first time she kind of set a bad precident.

Sam said: Yes, but only if you agree to make out with me.

I took Sam's idea and with Sam's help via Google chat, I had the following text "conversation" with Mr. Cruz. (FYI: Lauren Shumway=LS, JC= Josh Cruz)

LS: Only if you'll make out with me

JC: haha what

LS: ha ha. yep. i know its weird but i really just want to make out with you

JC: haha okay works for me

LS: so do you expect anything special? lol

JC: thats up to you

LS: well what do you want?

JC: haha idk

LS: well idk either. you seem more experienced.

JC: your stupid

LS: I'm stupid? and you want to copy MY homework?

JC: f*** you

LS: sorry to disappoint you but i will not be making out with you or letting you copy my homework

JC: its okay cuz Kristen is in my class you dumb a**

LS: (Sam told me to write this) Who's the dumb a**? you sent a text to the wrong person...by the way, do you still want to make out?

JC: ever heard of maturity you piece of s***

LS: i understand that you are upset that the whole homework making out thing is not going to happen but no need to use potty words. although you do seem very mature when you use big boy words like that.

That is the last today that I've heard from Josh. I toyed with the idea of being a really mean person and calling the Greeley school district and reporting that Mr. Cruz was cheating on his homework, but decided not to. It was pretty funny though!

Flash Cartoons

(Insert John's Flash Cartoons Here)