Something is wrong with this picture...

Beiber Fever

From: Peter J Shumway

How would you like to be this guy? This was in the Wall-Street Journal for the whole world to see, and I’m sure I’m not the first to email it. And yes … he’s making a heart with his hands.

BEIBER FEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.J.

From: Sam Shumway
You know what? Beiber fever is real and it makes people do things...thing they would not otherwise do. Plus its highly contagious. We all probably have it just by looking at this picture. 



From: nate shumway

So I was going to look up a picture of someone with a bad skin disease and equate it to the Beiber Fever, but looking through I almost barfed so I refrained from posting one.


From:  Peter J Shumway

DON’T … DON’T EVER SAY THAT! I’m just hoping that the bratty looking girl to his left made him go to the concert and then screeched, “DADDY DO THE HEART”. For his sake, I’m hoping that’s what happened, it’s just one of those “family … isn’t it about time” commercials. And I do admit Beiber has a mesmerizing face.

P.J.

Peter J Shumway provided this explanation:

Joe Shumway: American Freedom Fighter

Arising out of an apparent typographical error in a family email discussion, the question of who is "brining" the bread was raised.  Dad had this wonderful insight into the topic:

Brining is a process similar to marinating in which food is soaked in brine before cooking. It is an old Jewish tradition to give salt and bread when someone moves into a new home as a housewarming gift.   Salt is to season your life, the bread is so you will not go hungry, and together brined bread assures the host and guest of a rich and fulfilling visit.

I will brine the bread.

Skeptical of Dad's knowledge of Hebrew history, culture and customs, I responded with the following email:

As I was reading this I was taken back o February of 1982.  I remember sitting in the basement of the Eberhart house watching the Denver Nuggets play the Washington Bullets on our rectangular wooden console Zenith tv.  As I sat there, Dad took the opportunity to explain to me how he played three seasons with the Boston Celtics, and that he would still be playing to that day had he not answered a call to go serve his country in Vietnam.  

It wasn't until years later, after an exhaustive internet search, that I discovered that my dad had neither played in the NBA or served in Vietnam.  I hope that the same isn't true for this Jewish brining story.  I don't think I could handle the disappointment.  I also hope that Daniel never starts researching the 1991 Junior National Flap-Jack Invitational held in Des Moines, Iowa to find out whether his dad was really first runner up...   

Dad's responded to my skepticism as follows:

Sam,

Google: '1971 National Collegate Jello slurping records'. Unless Takeru Kobayashi recently became a two sport athlete, my record should still be posted in Portland, Oregon at Jello's National Headquarters.

Because the Celtics still owe me contract and bonus guarantees from 1970-72 they have removed my name from prior rosters because of legal and salary disputes. I entered Viet Nam in '72 as an undercover operative and a Green Beret, was captured by the Viet Cong when I stayed behind enemy lines to fight a battalion of commies so that my platoon could escape. I was a POW in Hanoi for three months, escaped back to the US through Laos and Cambodia, eventually being picked up in the Indian Ocean on a homemade bamboo raft by a naval destroyer. My military records are still classified and top secret until 2022, however I did receive an official US flag flown over Washington, DC. from Wyoming's Senator Craig Thomas office in 2000. Senator Thomas will confirm my war record but I've asked him to keep the military details confidential until they are released to the Washington Post in twelve more years.

I remain your truly, a humble American freedom fighter.

Racist relative

Joseph's response was almost the funniest part.

Joseph Daniel Shumway having lunch with Governor Jan Brewer.

12 hours ago via Facebook for BlackBerry · Comment · 

• 4 people like this.
• • 

    Madge Hugo Farnsworth Is he/she the one who made all those mexicans go back to Old Mexico? If so give her a high five for me

    12 hours ago · 
  • 

    Raquel Romero Don't post rude comments! Please keep them to yourself..You never know who might take offense.

    12 hours ago · 
  • 

    Joseph Daniel Shumway Madge… that comment is insensitive!

    11 hours ago · 
  • 

    Joseph Daniel Shumway Sorry about that... Madge has downs syndrome and was raised by racists.

    7 hours ago via Email Reply · 

Bongo 11

Bongo 10

Bongo 9

Bongo 8

Bongo 7

Bongo 6

Bongo 5

Bongo 4

Bongo 3

Bongo 2

Bongo

I like these...

Mustachacular

Elder Shumway???

Well, I knew Kevin was staying up having pillow fights but this is a little more than I expected. . .

http://www.facebook.com/kevin.shumway1?ref=search

Red White and Mustache

Ok Shumway brothers, it's that time of year again. I am making a call to all those manly enough to grow a mustache for the celebration of our country's independence. It'll be mustachacular

Ultrasound

We had our "find out what sex it is" ultrasound today.  The doctor was unable to tell if it was a boy or a girl, but he did say that he is pretty sure that the baby's biological dad is the Crypt Keeper.  I think he might be right:

P.S.  Just kidding, its a girl.  

P.P.S.  We aren't going to show the ultrasound pic to our kids.  They have a hard time sleeping after an intense episode of "The Wizards of Waverly Place."  I don't think they could handle seeing what is growing inside their mom's belly right now.  

Craigslist Anime Thing

Best way to convince an anime nerd that he is a skinny weakling: have him create an anime weapon and try to use it/carry it in the real world.

Nate, would you please explain to us all what is going on here. 

Homemade Wolfwood's CrossPunisher gun from Trigun. Cosplay GOLD. (Cheyenne)

---

Date: 2010-05-02, 8:24AM MDT
Reply to: sale-3w79w-1720567370@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

---

That's right, look no further, anime fan.

A few years back, I want to NDK (Nan Desu Kan, an anime convention) in Denver, and with my awesome craftmanship, I had planned on making Wolfwood's crosspunisher so I could cosplay as him. If you've seen the anime, you know the CrossPunisher is a big metal cross that opens up and has a rocket launcher built into it.

This fact made me happen upon a small snafu: I am a thin weakling.

So, I made the cross out of things I deemed liftable: PVC tubing, styrofoam, a wooden circular handle (for the skull in the intersecting parts) and duct tape.

Yes. Duct tape.

I carved the slats of styrofoam into what I could shape into a cross, and took some PVC tubing and bored holes into a PVC gasket to attach the tubes into to give it shape and weight. I carved out half-circle tunnels into the styrofoam slats, applied them onto the PVC tubing, and duct taped the hell out of it. In the center piece, we carved two pieces of wood into a skull shape to look like the handle, and we gorilla glued the sucker into place, so it's not going anywhere.

Then, I coated it in duct tape, because A) Duct tape is not metal, therefore liftable by skinny people such as myself and B) Duct tape at least sort of looks like metal.

After that, it was all aesthetics. I bored in some screws to give it an industrial look, I put some wood slats on there to make it resemble the cross used in the anime/manga, I bored circles into the machine gun part to make it look like, well, a machine gun.

It was a SMASH hit at NDK. I was stopped nearly every two minutes or so for photos. It was incredible.

Is it cheaply made? I wouldn't say so, really. Did I work my ass off on it still? Sure did. This was about a month long process. Overall, I was pleased, but still cautious, so I had a friend tailor me the shroud. You know what I'm talking about, the white cloth with all the belts that goes over it? Well, belts are expensive, so I used more duct tape to look like belts, and what's cool about the shroud is it fits somewhat loosely over the cross, and has a zipper for quick, easy access. So you can tie one of your own belts around it and carry it like Wolfwood did, or you can unzip that sucker and attack the neighborhood dogs with it. It's really up to you.

Basically, what I want is for someone to come take this off my hands. I'd like to make a little cash on it since I worked nonstop for a month on it, however, so I'll say I'm looking for at least $50. I'll give it to the best offer to email me and pick it up.

Thanks for checking it out!

-James 

Goodbye Sweet Hitler

We found this gem in the Evanston newspaper a couple weeks ago. We were thinking about sending in a letter to the editor about how excited we were that Cupid Hitler III's reign of terror was over

Google Voice at it again...

So the perverted Google Voice transcriptionists are at it again.  Kim got this message this morning.

The transcription read: "Hey Kim, It's Andy, Can you give me a call as soon as you know that I know it's a choice sex self just give me a call. Thanks. Bye."

Two questions: What is a "choice sex self" and who is Andy?

embarrassing moment

I know this isn't a personal story, and we kind of have an unwritten rule that you post only personal stuff here, but I read this the other day and laughed really hard...really hard.  I edited it slightly to keep it PG-13 rated.  I'm not even sure if this is real, but...

So I walked around all morning totally oblivious to the fact that I had an old sock sticking out of my pant leg.  What is your most embarrassing moment? 

Response 12: 

"So I was sitting there in my philosophy class trying to crack my back in my chair, and this hot girl saw me, really, really hot.  I kind of had a thing for her for a couple of months, and we smiled at eachother and stuff but she sat pretty far away so we didn’t say much more than “hi.”  Anyway she saw me doing that and it was before class actually started so we could move around and stuff, so she came up and offered to crack me back for me, and I thought it was kind of weird, but I accepted.  So I stand up and she crosses me arms in front of me and stands right behind me and sort of picks me up onto her and bounces me (have you ever seen people crack backs this way?  I have seen it, but it is weird to explain)

Anyway, it wasn’t working, so she tried a huge bounce.  Something popped really loudly, but then when she sat me down I couldn’t feel my legs it was like they were totally asleep.  So I freaking collapsed in a heap on the ground, my legs going off in weird directions.  Then I heard a hella loud farting noise and proceeded to diarrhea in my pants, I was so embarrassed and I looked up at her face and she was just disgusted and everybody was like what the hell is going on so I tried to get up and run away, but my legs didn’t work.  I couldn’t move, and over the next thirty seconds or so my colon empties really loudly.  My teacher was hella mad and thought I was just being a freak crapping on the floor, but after a while they realized I wasn’t kidding around and they called an ambulance.

So I went to the hospital, and it turns out when she cracked my back somehow my spinal cord got pinched in between my vertebrae and they straightened it out with some emergency surgery and now I’m completely fine

So…I never went back to that school.”

John Armpit Shower

I took some artistic liberties when creating this cartoon based on a true story.



John, please feel free to add any details about this experience as you see fit.  Also, feel free to delete this post as you see fit.

Dad vs. Aerator

This is my amateur depiction of a story about Grampa Joe S. using a gas powered aerator to fix up the back yard.  Please pay attention to the story only and not the quality of the animation.

I'm In Trouble

Google Voice is at it again.  The worst part about this situation is the fact that I set it up so that all of our transcribed voicemails are sent as a text message to Lauren's cell phone.

I got this message today:

"Hello, This message is for Joseph, This is Chris, Calling from, I. T, strip tease. I'm calling to let you know. Your order is ready for pickup. Thank you."



My "order" was the trophies for the pinewood derby coming up this Saturday.  The boy's dads are going to be working EXTRA hard to make sure that their boy's car is the fastest this year!!

Craigslist Classic - Mmmmm...delicious goat

Free goat (Casper)

---

Date: 2010-02-13, 8:32PM MST
Reply to: sale-2fdex-1599961569@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

---

She will be gone by Tuesday one way or another....
Chris 307 247 2894

• Location: Mills
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1599961569

500 Mile Loop

Last Saturday I decided to go snowboarding at Arizona Snowbowl, a ski area north of Flagstaff with my friends Jason and Chase . It had been snowing a lot in Flagstaff the week before and we were really excited to make the trip.  I had a hard time going to sleep the night before and I woke up at like 5:00 AM because I was so excited to go.  We left Gilbert at 6:30 AM to make the 2 1/2 hour drive planning to get there right in time since Snowbowl doesn't open until 9:00.  The drive was great and we got there when we had planned.  An interesting thing happened as we were driving out of Flagstaff heading toward the ski area.  There was a small rental shop that had a big cardboard sign outside that said "SNOWBOWL IS CLOSED".  We brushed  it off thinking that it was just a scheme to try to get people to stop and ask questions so they could try to convince them to get their rentals there instead of at the ski area.  We continued on and a few minutes later, we turned off the highway toward the final 7 mile stretch before we arrived at the ski area.  To our surprise/horror, there was a long line of vehicles being stopped by the forest service. The ski area was not closed but they would not allow any more vehicles in.  Apparently, we were not the only people excited to hit the slopes that day.  An extremely unfriendly park ranger directed us to turn our vehicle around because the lots were at capacity.  I called the ski area and they said that they would not stop selling lift tickets but that they couldn't let more cars in once the lots were full.  Weighing our options, we decided that we were not going to be defeated and that we would park at the turn-off and walk the 7 miles (2,000 vertical feet) into the ski area.  After walking about a quarter mile past the line of cars, we again faced the extremely unpleasant park ranger, this time accompanied by a female county sheriff.  The two of them refused to allow us to attempt to make the hike.  (In hindsight, I am SO GLAD they stopped us, that would have been terrible!).  Again, we considered our options.  A couple in our same situation suggested that we drive to Sunrise Park which is near Pinetop-Lakeside.  (I've been meaning to visit there since that's where I was born).  I called Sunrise Park and asked how long it would take to get there from Flagstaff.  The woman I talked to said that it was about a 2 1/2 hour drive and we decided to go for it.  It was only about 10:30 AM and we figured that if we had tried to walk to Snowbowl we probably wouldn't have made it until about noon so off we went.  Three hours later we rolled into Pinetop-Lakeside and we still had 40 miles to go before arriving at the ski park.  It was 1:30 PM and, best case scenario, we would be on the slopes around 2:30.  Sunrise closes at 4.  They probably close the lifts at 3:30.  Decision time again.  This time it was easier... still extremely painful, but easier.  We decided to tuck our tails between our legs and drive home.  We got back home at 4:00.  It was an extremely disappointing experience and one that I'll never forget.

This is a map of our travels.

This is a screenshot of my Google Latitude locations for 1/30/10.  Only a trucker or a drug dealer should make a loop like that in one day.  

Jim Griffin

Kim has a google voice account. One of the google voice features is that it transcribes voicemail messages and then sends the transcriptions to your phone as a text message. I called Kim the other day and left a short message. The message was this (push play below):

The transcription was not exactly accurate. It read: "Jim Griffin here, don't call me, bye."

The reason I post this here is because I think it is funny for three reasons (or maybe not funny at all). First, the transcription was totally screwed up (kind of funny I guess). Second, I don't know a Jim Griffin, but a little internet research turned up this photo:

http://www.ifa.ie/Portals/11/Potatoes/Jim%20Griffin.JPG
(I would advise against viewing this image in full size, and if you do, do not look closely at Mr. Griffin's teeth).

Finally, (and this is the part I laughed the most about), who would call and say "Jim Griffin here, don't call me, bye."

Anyway, we are always getting weird transcriptions, so I might share others in the future.

More British Goodness

I don't know what this label was attached to but, I really like the message!

This was sent to me in an e-mail from Kevin on his mission in England.  THANKS KEVIN!